Crazy Sayings From Actual Court Scenes
Posted on 19 May 2010 by LynThomas in Humour, Society, Uncategorized
The following quotations are taken from official court records, showing how funny and embarrassing some sayings are in courts of law. Even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. The problem is, the recorders were forced to keep a straight face during the entire process.
• Lawyer: “Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
• Witness: “I only have one, you know
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• Accused, Defending His Own Case: “Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?”
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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• Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
• Witness: “July 15th.”
• Lawyer: “What year?”
• Witness: “Every year.”
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• Lawyer: “Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?”
• Witness: “No. He was wearing a mask.”
• Lawyer: “What was he wearing under the mask?”
• Witness: “Er…his face.”
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• Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
• Witness: “Yes.”
• Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
• Witness: “I forget.”
• Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”
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• Lawyer: “How old is your son, the one living with you?”
• Witness: “Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.”
• Lawyer: “How long has he lived with you?”
• Witness: “Forty-five years.”
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• Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
• Witness: “No.”
• Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
• Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
• Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
• Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
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• Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–”
• Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”
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Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”
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• Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
• Witness: “That’s me.”
• Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
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Lawyer: “Do you have any children or anything of that kind?”
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Lawyer: “You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?”
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• Lawyer: “You say that the stairs went down to the basement?”
• Witness: “Yes.”
• Lawyer: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”
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• Lawyer: “Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?”
• Witness: “No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.”
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• Lawyer: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
• Witness: “All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.”
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• Lawyer: “Did you know him before?”
• Witness: “Yes sir.”
• Lawyer: “Before or after he died?”
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• Lawyer: “When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?”
• Other Lawyer: “Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.”
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• Lawyer: “And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?”
• Witness: “Oral.”
• Lawyer: “How old are you?”
• Witness: “Oral.”
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Lawyer: “Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?”
• Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”
• Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”
• Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”
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• Lawyer: “Do you drink when you’re on duty?”
• Witness: “I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.”
• Lawyer: “Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?”
• Witness: “Because he was argumentary, and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.”
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19 May 2010
[...] Here are some amusing quotations taken from official court records, showing how funny and embarrassing some sayings can be, even in law courts. The slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. The problem is, the recorders were forced to keep a straight face during the entire process. Read more… [...]
Right question, great answer! Many of the cards do have an inside text, I love having options, use the text, make my own. How many times do you find the perfect card at a store, but the words aren’t quite right? With Sandy’s Cards you can change to text to whatever you wish. Still, the perfect words are those spoken from the heart.